A surprisingly honest chat about being thankful without being fake

By Deepanshu Chauhan

Recently, while scrolling through Instagram at 2:00 AM, I saw that one of my school friends got her dream job in Europe. Another friend just opened her cafe in Connaught Place in Delhi. Meanwhile, I sat in my old t-shirt, eating leftover biryani straight from the container, and wondered, “When did I fall this far behind?” 

It’s strange how life feels like a race nobody asked us to join. Every day brings pressure to be more, do more, and achieve more. You finally get that promotion you wanted, and suddenly, there are five more things you should be working on. The goalpost just keeps moving. You keep running, but you never really get anywhere. You just end up more tired. 

In all that exhausting running, you start to miss the things happening around you. The real things. The small moments that don’t make it to anyone’s highlight reel, but still help you get through the day. 

That’s what gratitude means. I know, just saying the word probably made you cringe a little. Let me explain.

Why Gratitude Sounds ‘Cringe’ to People

Okay, now it’s time to talk about the elephant in the room. When you hear “gratitude,” what do you think of?  

At first, I thought gratitude meant posting a blurry sunset photo with a quote about being “blessed and highly favored,” along with a bunch of emojis, just like uncles do on Facebook. Or those LinkedIn users who start every post with “I’m so humbled and grateful for this journey” before casually mentioning their latest achievement.  

It feels so fake. So performative. It seems like gratitude has become something people show off to look spiritual or enlightened, not something they genuinely feel.  

Then there’s the toxic positivity crowd. Honestly, they give me a strange feeling. They respond to real problems with “Just be grateful for what you have!” It’s as if being thankful for your morning chai is supposed to magically make your rent disappear or fix your awful boss.  

No wonder our generation thinks gratitude is cringe.  

But lately, my view of gratitude has shifted. Real gratitude isn’t any of that. It’s not about pretending or forcing positivity. It’s something much simpler and far more honest.

The Real Meaning of Gratitude (And Why We Misunderstood It)

If you want to learn about gratitude, understand this: “Gratitude is not about ignoring all the difficult parts of your life.” Your life can be truly challenging, and you can still notice the good things. Both can exist at the same time. 

You might have had a rough week last month; your work could be overwhelming, or you might have had a fight with your best friend. But in the midst of all that, you can still laugh at a funny video your younger brother sent you on Instagram. Your neighbor, who barely knows you, might share some of the kheer she made. 

Did those things solve your problems? Clearly not. 

Interestingly, scientists in the Clinical Psychological Review have discovered why some moments make us feel more grateful than others. It boils down to three things: first, the effort someone put in (cost); second, how much it actually helped us (value); and finally, whether we believe they cared or had some other motive (altruism). 

Your neighbor hardly knew you, yet she made an extra effort to bring it over. She had no reason to do it except kindness, which is why it felt special. And your brother was probably just scrolling and thought of you, but he took that extra moment to send it, and that matters. 

But here’s the strange part: some people are naturally better at noticing these things. They see the effort and genuine care more clearly. Others are the opposite. They receive help and immediately think, “Oh, they probably had nothing better to do,” or “They must want something from me.” They talk themselves out of feeling grateful, even when someone is going out of their way for them. 

I’ll admit, I’ve caught myself doing this too. When someone compliments my work, my brain quickly thinks, “They’re just being nice.” It feels like my mind is actively trying to block out the positive moments. 

That’s why gratitude is less about “counting blessings” like it’s a spiritual task and more about simply being present enough to notice when something good happens.

Simple Gratitude Practices That Don’t Feel Fake or Forced

So if gratitude isn’t about fancy journals or posting #blessed content, what is it really? I’ve tried a lot of things, and honestly, most felt too formal or strange. But here’s what has worked for me. 

Before I go to sleep, I lie on my bed and think of three things that didn’t completely suck today. They aren’t profound, just regular moments. “The auto driver was nice.” “I had a really good cup of coffee.” “My dog did that silly thing he does.” Yes, that’s it. 

If I’m not doing that, I sometimes text someone out of the blue to let them know why I appreciate them. For example, “Hey, I was thinking about how you always remember to ask about my mom when we talk. That means a lot.” It makes them happy, and honestly, it makes me feel good too. It’s all about connection. 

If you think I’m being silly or overly sentimental and don’t want to try that, here’s another idea. Start by finding a tiny good thing in a bad moment. When something goes wrong, look for one small thing that’s okay. 

And trust me, these tricks really work.

What Science Says Gratitude Does to Your Mind

Turns out, gratitude is much more than a nice concept. It’s been studied for years, and the findings are quite surprising. PubMed Central claims that gratitude is linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety, improved sleep, reduced stress, and noticeably higher life satisfaction. 

Gratitude can predict how satisfied you are with life, even after researchers consider your entire personality. Whether you’re an introvert, an extrovert, anxious, or stable, it reflects a way of moving through the world that genuinely changes how life feels. 

Research by Todd B. Kashdan and his colleagues on veterans with PTSD shows that those who feel more gratitude handle day-to-day life better, no matter how severe their symptoms are. Gratitude doesn’t erase trauma, but it helps people rebuild their lives around it. 

So how does it work? 

It shifts your perspective on the world. You reach out more, cope actively, and reframe situations without letting them overwhelm you. 

Gratitude does not make your problems disappear. 

But it makes them easier to handle. It helps you become emotionally stronger, more grounded, and more resilient in facing challenges. While your problems still exist, you’re better prepared to live with them.

Maybe Your Life Isn’t Empty, Maybe You Just Stopped Noticing

Here’s what I’ve been noticing lately, and perhaps you can relate: Most of us aren’t really missing that much. We just stopped paying attention. We’re so focused on what’s next, whether it’s the next achievement, the next milestone, or the next version of ourselves we think we need to become, that we miss our actual life happening right now. And that race we’re all running? There’s no finish line.